Today is not Monday, it is not even Tuesday! Somehow the week has really slid past me and I have not written a thing. I am not sure how I manage to lose track of time like that. I wish I could blame it on something like the emotions of grief, but I have to admit that I am a major procrastinator and I just did not get stuff done. Now, I will say that there have been some serious disruptions to my sleep because the Cubs have been very needy and not sleeping well themselves. They are going through the normal fears that occur in a loss. They are afraid that Papa Bear and I are going to die or just disappear. So there have been several long nights of sitting up and holding one or the other Cub while they slept and giving them squeezes and whispered assurances that I am there when they get restless. I hate that they have to go through this. Like any mom, I wish I could protect them from all the pain, the loss, the disappointments, the hurt feelings, and anything else that takes away their innocence and belief in a perfect and safe world. But I am glad that I am here to help them through it, even if there are times that I know I say the wrong thing or I snap at them when I am going through my own emotional upheavals.
Anyway…..I think this is how I end up losing track of time!
So on Mondays I try to do a temp check of where I was last week and how I can improve the upcoming week. That includes evaluating things like exercise (or lack of), my dietary planning and execution (healthy or otherwise), how the message from Mass is going to impact my week, how much time I committed to deepening my friendship with God, and how much effort I put into being the wife and mother God wants me to be. In order to increase my accountability, I decided that I needed to put some of that our here in cyberspace for all 3 of you who read this little collection of words. So here it is…..
I have gotten up and started moving again. I have not managed to get back to the TKD DoJang for a few reasons – all of them fairly whiny and not worth your time right now. But I have managed to get off the couch, raise my heart rate and sweat just a bit. I have done that using one of my very favorite work-out DVDs –
I was introduced to Ms Sansone’s videos through another blogger, Ellen. Honestly, it was her blog, along with Baby Cub, who managed to get my saggy baggy body moving again. But back to Ms Sansone’s videos. They are easy to do (I did not even come close to falling down once – score one for the video since I managed to fall down several times in TKD) and don’t require any type of coordination (also another attribute that I sorely lack).
Starting to move again after almost 3 months of doing nothing, I was very glad to do this in the privacy of my home. It also gave me the chance to get out some emotions that I was keeping bottled up. There were several times that I would march around my living room with tears coursing down my face and screaming just because I was alone and could. It is time for me to get out of the house and back into society, but I needed that time for some emotional healing, and for the most part I do that by curling in on myself until I am able to gain some sort of control. Ahhh, control – an illusion, but one best saved for another day.
Well, there you have it – my emotional and physical temp check for the week.