Today I let one of the cubs down. I felt awful about it. It was a series of things that conspired against me to prevent me from keeping my word, but it still did not negate the pain and disappointment Little Bear felt. It did not stop the tears that were shed, and it did not stop how horrible I felt.
So tonight I went to class. I worked myself. I worked myself HARD through two classes. Part of it was taking out my anger on myself, but doing it in a healthy way, with instructors around me who would not let me hurt myself (not that I am in good enough shape to actually work hard enough to result in injury). I was lowering my blood pressure, normalizing stress hormones, and releasing muscle tension – all which helped me look at the situation with a clearer focus. When we got home I sat down with Little Bear and apologized. This special child stood in front of me and informed me that I was forgiven. And because of the clarity that I have gained through exercise, I was able to accept that forgiveness and move forward.